Esther, “Why is it so easy for you to talk about your past with masturbation and pornography?” asked someone.
“It’s not easy. However, I choose to be vulnerable, embarrassed and called whatever names all for the glory of God, for Jesus and for someone in this room or out there who will get blessed by my past & testimony” I answered.
As much as I will like to keep my past away or forget it. The Holy Spirit says no. I could be at a gathering and He will say, “Oh, Esther you gotta share your testimony now. Someone needs to hear it right now.” And at that point in time, nothing else matters. My feelings don’t matter. Of course, the devil tries to play his schemes and says things like, “Oh, you don’t want to do that, they are gonna see you as a really bad and sinful person. They are gonna condemn you” But I am constantly learning to replace his lies with the truth. Truths that assure me that I am forgiven and I am no longer my past.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (CSB), “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!”
Romans 8:1 (CSB), “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”
And so many other truths in God’s word. This is why you gotta study the Word for yourself. Another day’s topic.
So, I tell myself, “Esther, right now is not about you, it is NEVER about you or how you feel, it’s all about God, his glory and someone’s life that could change right now.”
So, I choose to be vulnerable for God.
But the amazing thing is, when you allow God to be glorified through you, He takes care of you and doesn’t disregard your feelings. What do I mean? When I first shared my testimony, I felt tremendously free. I no longer have to pretend, cover my weakness or put up a facade. However, I constantly realize that there are different degrees of freedom, because the more I share my story, the freer I get and the devil is shamed.
Because now, the devil can’t come to my face and try to say thing like, “Esther, you are such as bad girl and you don’t want people to find out the bad things you’ve done.” And am like, “Dude, I already told everybody and you know the best part, people are getting freed by it and my God gets glory for it.”
The devil can’t hurt you or tie you down with something you already opened up about and acknowledged. However when you try to shhhh and cover it up, he plays on your heart with that, he uses it to paralyze you every time and you will continue to cower under his pressure. You gotta choose to be vulnerable for Jesus in public instead of allowing the devil to mess with your vulnerable self in private.
Before I ever shared my testimony, I wanted the comfort of being seen as the perfect daughter by my parents and a good girl by everyone. But God said, “No, you gotta show them the real you. You are rotten, flawed and a weak daughter of mine whom I love and lavishly cover with my grace because my grace is ever sufficient.”
So, if you ever want true comfort, you gotta let go and let God be God in your life. Until we all step out of our comfort zone, get vulnerable, step into the unknown by faith, we won’t get to see who we truly are in Christ and experience true freedom in Christ.
Darling, what is your weakness? What is that besetting sin? What are you constantly trying the cover-up? What do you put up a facade for?
Get transparent with God. Be real about your weaknesses. You don’t necessarily have to share it with everybody maybe with a trusted and mature brother or sister in Christ. But if God ever tells you to share it, then don’t ever hesitate to share it.
Healing doesn’t start until we acknowledge that we are sick and need a savior. And true freedom is not found until we let go of the lies of the comfort zone and hold on to the truth in Christ Jesus.
Be vulnerable for God. Be transparent. Live for the audience of one. Live for the Glory of God.
God bless you.
You are Eternally Loved