How do you love others when you don’t love yourself?

how do you love others?

 “Sir, which is the most important command in the laws of Moses?”

Jesus replied, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second most important is similar: ‘Love your neighbor as much as you love yourself.’ All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets stem from these two laws and are fulfilled if you obey them. Keep only these and you will find that you are obeying all the others.”

Matthew 22:36-40 (LTB)

The above Bible passage says that the greatest commandment is to love God and love others as you love yourself. Emphasis on “Yourself.”
This means God expects you to love yourself. And He expects you to Love others with the extent of love you have for yourself. Not more and not less because you cannot give what you do not have. You can’t love others more than you love yourself because you don’t have that ability and God doesn’t expect that of you.
Now, many of us cannot love others. Because we don’t love ourselves and we don’t appreciate ourselves. How then do we love others?
If you tell me you love me and I look at your life and see that you obviously don’t love yourself, then you are a big liar. You don’t love me.

Also, you shouldn’t get married until you have learned to love yourself. Because it’s only going to get harder. Marriage binds two people into one. Which means you have to love two entities that have become one big entity.
How do you do that when you didn’t even love a single you? This is one of the reasons why marriages are falling apart. You went into that relationship expecting to be loved not to love. But darling, it is your responsibility to love yourself first before any other human does.

Maybe, just maybe, the reason why you are still single is that God is waiting for you start loving yourself. If you love yourself when you are single, it will be easy to keep loving yourself and your spouse when you get married because you and your spouse are now one. Nothing changes. The love only increases. because you are both coming into the relationship with your love filled selves.

Look at yourself in the mirror and ask, “Do I really love this person?”
Be honest with yourself. It’s a sure thing that God loves you but do you love you?

Let me give you an example. I personally don’t love myself in the aspect of health. If I did, I would eat more healthy, workout more and lose the excess 29lbs that I have right on now. According, to my BMI, I am overweight. Aside from the fact that I am not taking care of my temple (body), I am at a high risk for a lot of health conditions.” So, when it comes to the aspect of health, I am my own worst enemy.

My professor said this the other day, “As a nurse don’t you ever dare tell your patients to lose weight when you have excess weight yourself and you are not trying to lose it and don’t you ever tell your patients to quit smoking when you smoke and reek of smoke when caring for them.” You just can’t give what you don’t have.

The Bible says in Matthew 7:5 (NLT), “Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” So, love yourself first before trying to or saying you love others.

What are you doing that you know you ought not to do if you truly love yourself & what are you not doing that you ought to do if you truly love yourself.

You must also learn to love yourself unconditionally because God loves you unconditionally with all your flaws and imperfections. Only then will you be able to love others unconditionally.

What do I mean by that?

Like I said earlier, I am currently overweight but I love myself regardless. I don’t love the extra fat but I love the woman and person I am. I am not going to wait till I lose weight to love this woman. I am loving myself right now and will continue to love myself when I lose weight. In fact, the love of the woman I right now will push me to continue to work towards losing the extra weight. And because I love and embrace myself with all my flaws and imperfections, I can love and embrace others just the way they are without changing a thing about them. God Bless.

Eternally Loved,

Esther Ademiju.

Author: Esther Ademiju

Esther Ademiju is founder and teacher of Growing God's Eternal Family. She is a growing student of the Bible under the teachings of the Holy Spirit and yearns to share what she learns with simplicity yet undiluted to all people. “God’s love is dynamic in dealing and one of the ways it can be shown through us to one another is by sharing, teaching & preaching His Word & Truth.”

3 thoughts

  1. How can you love God with ALL your heart if you’re full of self-love? The Old Testament verse quoted by Jesus should be taken as “love your neighbor as if he or her were yourself.” The words “as much as” as you render it are not in the original text, Old or New Testament. You are misleading people with the “teachings of men.”


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